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April 1, 2004

Evolutionary Link Found Between Humans, Creationists

Thanks to a recent discovery by scientists at MIT's biology laboratory, scientists now know that humans and creationists share a common evolutionary ancestor, and may even be the same species.

Biologist and human Mary Jenner announced the findings at a press conference held in MIT's biology research laboratory. The key to the discovery was the fact that, despite behavioral and cognitive differences, both humans and creationists have 46 chromosomes, and are able to interbreed to produce viable offspring. There are also a number of pieces of fossil evidence to back up the findings.

Before the discovery, most scientists had thought the two groups were unrelated, and probably different species. Scientists had based this belief on certain behaviors found in creationists but not in humans: creationists tend to congregate in stone building where they perform strange rituals involving pleasing a mythical super-creationist who lives in the sky, and also tend to not use modern scientific methodology to validate knowledge.

But the new results show these differences may be merely learned behavior, and not indicative of a deeper genetic difference.

Creationists and some humans have spoken out against the report. Even the report's author is disappointed by the results, “I don't like to think I'm related to creationists,” says Jenner, “but if that's what the facts show, that's what the facts show.”